he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
