Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
