is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
