My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
