Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
