My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
