it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
