If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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