No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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