I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
