i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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