a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
