He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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