**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
