so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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