You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I look better un-naked...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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