Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
