she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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