When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
