Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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