Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
