After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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