I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
