we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
