Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
