i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
