man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
