I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
