i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
