i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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