He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
