Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
