ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
did you just send me my own nude
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
