Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
