guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
