I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
