Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
