he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
