You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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