how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
