When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
