the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
