4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
the raccoons are back...
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