The best revenge is premature balding
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We need to get me chipped asap
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Then you guys just all showered together...?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
