Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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