That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
