I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
