I feel like abortions should bother me more
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
