I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
