# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
